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[redforce]

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SHANKS

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[redforce]

You're not upset.

( with me, he means. at least, not in any way he can feel right now. which might sound like a non sequitur at first but — )

He's smart enough to know when I'm trying to distract him, you know.
Asking him questions will only make him suspicious.

[money]

did you do something?

( 2 second wait )

OH duh
the death thing
so you messed up. go make it up to him. he deserves that. you don't have to over complicate it.
just say "i'm here, so you can throw a punch at me and start kicking, because being near you when you're angry is better than being away when you're sad"
something something. kiss and make up. bring something cheesy like flowers. the end.

[redforce]

( it's not bad advice, all things considered. and yet ... )

Is that what you wish Sanji would do for you?

( even if she doesn't answer, he knows that it is. )

[money]

( weird, uncomfortable pause. )

every girl wants to be loved at her worst.

[redforce]

( a longer, more thoughtful pause. )

Have you let him try?

[money]

yeah.
i guess.

( it's some version of the truth, nami thinks. she lies a lot, but not about this — still, she feels the impulse to defend herself. a lady used to wearing armor. )

i mean
how do you do that?
the answer can't possibly be keep forgiving him every time he fucks up
can it???

[redforce]

Ask yourself this: is your anger worth more to you than his love? Your pride more than his passion?

( now who's projecting. )

[money]

is that what you want koby to ask himself?

( hate being Looked At and Seen 💢 )

because he has a valid reason for being mad at you if he is
and i have a valid reason for being mad at sanji

[redforce]

No. You should know better than that.

( 🤡 )

It's not about the validity of your anger, it's about how long you think it's worth it to hold onto.
Consider who are you really punishing: Sanji or yourself?
At what point are you willing to let it go?
Or is it better for both of you to let him walk away?

( not that he's speaking from experience or anything. ha ha. )

[money]

i think if we agree to do something that was originally your idea, and you back out publicly without talking to me first, im allowed to be angry for as long as i want
i didn’t stay mad at luffy. disappointing me isn’t a habit for luffy
it is for sanji. it hurt worse because he knows me better.
so maybe he should walk away, maybe he’d be happier then

( the quiet part: because regardless of whatever sanji says, he clearly isn’t happy with her. she clearly isn’t enough.

obviously, neither was buggy. )

[redforce]

( you sound like him, he doesn't say, because that's not what nami needs to hear, now or ever, probably. but there's an echo of an accusation in the words she sends, the phantom sting of a hand slapping his palm. )

I don't think you really believe that.

( that sanji would be happier. shanks certainly isn't any happier — is, in fact, wildly more miserable — without buggy in his life, even if he thought it was for the best at the time. even if he thought it was a temporary, necessary separation. and then temporary became five years, ten, twenty, and for what? some noble idea of sacrifice? all shanks has now is the ever-present ache of grief and the ghost of something he let go too soon. )

You're allowed your anger, Nami.
And you're allowed to withhold forgiveness, if you choose.
But how long can you really live without him?
Take it from foolish, lovesick old man who shouldn't have given up as easily as he did.
Some people are simply designed to challenge you.
Would you still want whatever it is you have if getting there was too easy?

( if the path to what you want seems too easy, you're on the wrong path ... or so he's always said. )

[money]

( okay, so they're definitely not talking about koby, who is far too earnest to ever own the title lovesick from anyone. the only other person she knows from shanks' past is buggy, who she and luffy had their own choice words about in the past few weeks — namely he's hot and oh no. so it is maybe not such a hideous thing to hear from shanks at the current moment, imagining a much younger shanks pining over a much different version of buggy. nami wouldn't have understood that feeling before joining the straw hats: what it's like to keep a candle lit, what it's like to sit at the bow of a ship and earnestly await land. she never pined before this thing while zoro and sanji. and now

she can't imagine never doing it again. she says the quiet part out loud. )

if the path you're on seems too easy, you're on the wrong path

( only to her, it's a quote from luffy. she's not saying yes or no, you'd have to pin her down and force truth serum in her mouth first. but, sure — maybe it's yes. maybe sanji is worth a little heartache. )

it's not too late for you either, you know
you're not that old
i mean, you're not bed bound or something. you've still got both feet. they can move you in the right direction.

[redforce]

( he can't help but smile a little to himself, seeing the way his own advice has been passed on from luffy to his crew. nice to know that luffy was listening, sometimes. it's the next messages that give him pause, the smile fading into something more pensive. )

Careful, you're almost starting to sound like me.

( but he mulls those words over for a moment — they can move you in the right direction — and despite how easy it would be to shoot back something pessimistic, to say something like it's not that easy ... maybe it is that easy. and maybe isn't such an awful thing to hope. )

I'm not sure I know what the right direction is anymore, but
I suppose you've a point.